50 questions

I found this while I’m browsing random links on Facebook. I’ve been following berlin-art parasites, The Artidote, and betsin-artparasites so I’m really not sure where exactly did I get this. I just miss doing something like this so here I am answering random 50 questions. I just feel the need to do this because these coming weeks will be the busiest work week i’ll have. Good luck to me.

1: What would you name your future daughter?

January with the nickname “Jan.” But it is weird to name her January if she will not be born on that month. Other option will be Cassidy nickname “Sid”.

2: Do you miss anyone?

Yes. Maybe even someone i don’t exactly know.

3: What if I told you that you were pretty?

On a bad day, i’ll say “I don’t believe you.” but on my current mood, I’ll say thanks.

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?

Nope.

5: What are you looking forward to in the next week?

Traveling for work.

6: Did you go out or stay in last night?

Stay in. Duh!

7: How late did you stay up last night?

kind of late that I’m so sleepy this morning.

8: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?

Nope.

9: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?

Multi-tasking. Packing my clothes for this week’s events, checking Facebook and Twitter, and checking if the rice is already cooked for lunch.

10: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?

Nope.

11: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?

Yes.

12: Have you pretended to like someone?

Yes.

13: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

Yes. I don’t smoke so definitely, yes.

14: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

Many. 🙂

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

I think so.

16: Think back five months ago, were you single?

I’m single forever. haha! And I don’t have a problem with that (yet. lol).

17: Have you ever cried from being so mad?

Yes!

18: Hold hands with anyone this week?

Yes, with my friend.

19: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

Nope.

20: Who did you last see in person?

My family. To say good night.

21: What is the last thing you said out lot?

F*ck. :))

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?

Nope.

23: Have you ever been to Paris?

Nobut looking forward to live there even for just a few months. #dreamitgirl

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Yes. but lately, no.

25: Do you use chap stick?

before.

26: Who did you last share a bed with?

No one.

27: Are you listening to music right now?

Surprisingly, no.

28: What is something you currently want right now?

vacation and money.

29: Were your last three kisses from the same person?

I don’t have any kisses. haha

30: How is your heart lately?

Sad, tired, but trying to be strong.

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?

yes

32: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?

I can’t even remember unless you count my brother.

33: What do people call you?

Kit. Mamu. Kittiful. Kitty.

34: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?

yes.

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life?

many.

36: What are you listening to right now?

Sound of my brother’s aircon. i just turned off mine.

37: What is wrong with you right now?

Everything.

38: Love really is a beautiful thing huh?

Yeah.

39: Do you make wishes at 11:11?

Not anymore.

40: What is on your wrists right now?

Nothing.

41: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected?

single

42: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?

thrift shop! 🙂

43: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

i haven’t even kissed someone. haha

44: Have you hugged someone within the last week?

yes? i don’t remember.

45: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?

nope.

46: What were you doing at midnight last night?

trying to sleep

47: Do you miss the way things were six months ago?

no.

48: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?

ALONE! 🙂

49: Have you ever been to New York?

Nope. but I want to be there right now. Can you take me there? 🙂

50: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

Yeah. because they’re my family. 🙂

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How I gave up, giving up, and slowly learning not to give up

Have you ever felt that “I know what I want, I think I already figured out the things I really want to do then suddenly negative clouds came up in the air and be like maybe-I-am-not-really-good-at-this-so-better-try-other-options?” For a shorter explanation, (here we go again) what if I am not good enough?

Everyday whenever I’m busy at work, on a meeting, or while on a break, there’s this question of what if I can’t achieve anything because I have minimal skills. It is so funny to think that back then, I was so sure of everything. I thought that I have enough and good skills before I enter the real world. I remember Anthony’s little speech in “That thing called tadhana” that made me want to hug him and say “I understand, I feel you… I feel you” with matching ridiculous crying. If you haven’t figured it out yet, he said “hindi pala ako magaling, marunong lang.”

Honestly, I always feel that way but at this point in time, I don’t even feel that “marunong lang” ako. Sometimes, I ask myself “marunong ba talaga ako? Baka naman feeling ko lang ‘yun.” It is so wrong to compare yourself to others but (hey universe!) I’m human so let me be…

Whenever I read other people’s masterpieces, I can’t help but question myself. I don’t have a wide vocabulary. I can’t save my life by writing that 10-page blahblah report because I can’t  even finish a 3-page article, or I don’t even have a perfect grammar. Super wow! Insecurities all over this post.

I already gave up few years ago but I learned to stand up again. Then, I am here again. Having withdrawals from my positive self. This time it is more of “maybe I will never be good enough.” I don’t want to blame it on quarter life crisis but it’s all I can think of, aside from really having a tough time coping up with the real world. It is really really hard that I don’t want to leave my bed. (Because my bed is the best thing in the world.)

I don’t know really know the point of this post but I just realized that even if I have been broken so many times, (even if I don’t want to yet) I need to face all my fears, I need to face the truth, I need to fight for my bigger dreams, I have to embrace my insecurities so that I can grow, so I can be strong again.

“Allow yourself to breakdown. You can fall on your knees, you can lie on the floor all you want but make sure that you’ll stand up again. Because you are a warrior. It takes a lot of courage to accept that you are weak. So, don’t ever think that you are weakling.

I may not be the right person to teach positivity but I realized that this post’s purpose is to inspire myself to go back and try again. Do it. write again. make something. fail. fail better. learn. try. write. write until your hands are tired. write until your brains start to drain. Because, this is what you want kiddo. Be tough! Work it girl!

Or maybe this post will be for someone who is also experiencing my current situation. Whoever (wherever) you are, let us not give up. (I hope we can) Yes, we can do this. Move over, negativity.