12/01/2014

December rain.

Pour everything out,
Wash away all her fears and inhibitions,
so she can have her brand new start.

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Stand again, no matter what

“Just… isn’t giving up allowed sometimes? Isn’t it okay to say, ‘This really hurts, so I’m going to stop trying’?” -Fangirl, Rainbow Rowell

I’ve been telling this to myself last week, over and over again. Sometimes, I use the words –“this really hurts”– but I also change it to –this isn’t going anywhere, i’m really really tired, what’s the point of all this?– There are just moments that I allow myself to be lost, be confused, be sad and depressed not because I am just weak, shallow, or desperate but because I am human. Everyone is allowed to be weak from time to time.

I realized that when you accept defeat, you’ll know that you are strong… that you can be strong — because not everyone has the guts to show the world their vulnerability.

But then again, even if I wanted to give up everything, it all comes down to – tomorrow is another step toward my goals. I want to believe in the possibility that my dreams will come true, if I work hard and stay strong. I don’t know if tomorrow will bring me another sorrow or a new positive perspective but I’ll tell that soul inside me

Hey little warrior! Stand up, stand strong, do it again, do better, don’t ever give up!

even just the tiny little pieces of you

This song is on repeat after I’ve watched Caroline and Stefan’s scene in the latest episode of The vampire Diaries. I’ve also watched that Steroline scene for the 10th time this day. Finally, Steroline is on to something even if it feels like it is just one way. As much as I love Stefan, I’m on Caroline’s side this time. When she feels something, she says it all out. She doesn’t pretend that it’s not there. Even if she knows that she’ll get hurt in the end, she just expresses it because it’s what she feels.

So I have this little scene in my mind after she walked out on Stefan…. *Caroline walks out* Stefan chased her and asked for another chance to explain himself… Stefan: I don’t want to lose you Caroline. It’s not that I don’t have a thing for you. I just want to make sure that what I feel is real because after everything that I’ve been through, I never thought of opening myself again to someone. Yes, my emotions are all over the place and it hurts me that I’ve hurt you. At that time, I just don’t want to feel the pain anymore. Because everytime I look at you, I am afraid that I might lose something special again. And I swear I’m going to hate myself for that. This time, I want to be very sure. I don’t want to use all my time, my energy… my emotions just to be wasted because I am not the right person. I don’t want to have another morning when you’ll leave me because you don’t feel a thing anymore…  That we grew apart, that I am not your meant-to-be. When I look at you.. I’m scared.. Scared that when we get past through being bestfriends.. you have the power to destroy my whole being. To destroy everything, destroy me… Because what I have right now is filtered emotions but when I look into your eyes I am this close to ruin that bullshits because my heart says you could be my everything.

Okay let’s stop at that…

and then I understand that it’s okay not to understand

Whenever I watch movies, I have the habit to force myself to understand it. Sometimes, even if I understood it I usually look for validation. I will research about it, read from film critics’ viewpoints to random people’s sentiments. Yet, I also know that it is not necessary to discern everything in a film, it is also acceptable to just rely on what you felt after you’ve watched it.

And that is what I felt after watching Interstellar. I barely read the movie summary for I trust my brother’s taste (HAHA!). I just heard that it talks about science, solar system, another world outside the solar system… and a parent’s love. I actually got the story and even used my handkerchief in some of the intense scenes. When it is coming into the end, I have to admit that I was confused. But, there’s only one thing that never left my mind…

When you become a parent, you’ll do EVERYTHING for your children. You will make the impossible, be possible. Even if, it takes all your energy, you will fight until you can save them. Because, when you have a child.. everything is worth living for.

My parents always tell me that having children is like having a new world wherein you wanted everything to be alright.Along with the happiness, you also worry about responsibility and safety. You wanted them to be as safe as possible. No harm and pain. It is absurd to create a perfect world for them but you strive hard because for your angels, you’ll do anything to make things possible.

So, even if the movie kinda lost me at “science” (I like science but not my very best subject in high school), I still believe that I felt what the movie wants me to feel.

Mystery Manila: Rebecca’s Room – our own horror-comedy movie

Mystery Manila

Earlier this year, I saw some people posting photos about Mystery Manila (a live escape game room.) I stumbled upon it online and really got interested. My work friends and I planned to try this, but we don’t have any definite plans on when we really want to try it.

Until, our office is scheduled to have an Organizational Culture. They requested me to inquire in Mystery Manila’s rooms in Jupiter, Makati but the game only allow a maximum of six players per room. We are 23 individuals in the office, so Mystery Manila is axed in our Org Culture’s options :(.

But, Sir Vic, –our office dad wanted to try it too. Sabi niya, ituloy daw namin kahit kami-kami lang, kaya.. GO! So, Airiz, Joanna, and Sir Vic were my team mates for Rebecca’s Room. Hazel, also one of our officemates, should be part of team but she’s pregnant so pass muna siya.

Airiz, Jo, and Sir Vic reading the posts of former players in the freedom wall. Actually, we're also looking for tips but we can't find any... :(

Airiz, Jo, and Sir Vic reading the posts of former players in the freedom wall. Actually, we’re also looking for tips but we can’t find any… 😦

When we entered the room, I was nervous because I may try to hide it but I am really a scaredy-cat. My imagination is absurd whenever I watch horror movies so I really thought there will be more mananakot inside.

Jo has solved the first code  in a matter of minutes. Good thing we have Jo –you know, she’s Sherlock’s girlfriend (trying to be a good friend here).

We’ve read Rebecca’s diary to find more clues, we tried to look in her boxes, but we have to open some locks to get more clues. Our game maker <– not sure if it’s the right term but kunwari na lang hunger games said that we can ask him for clues but we are too proud to ask for clues and thought that we can handle it on our own.

We are roaming around the small room to look for more clues until we thought we already found the code to open the lock of the small drawer –there’s a loud and scary scream from the speaker that got us screaming. Jo was so frustrated at us because we screamed like kids, we told her that it’s part of the game (then I discovered that she was furious because medyo natumba siya dahil sa gulat niya sa mga sigaw namin, Sorry JO!)

When Sir Vic and Airiz is trying to unlock the code of the small cabinet, Jo and I tried to observe Rebecca’s room and we got interested in her wall display (told yah, this is horror-comedy). We even laughed at Rebecca’s diary entry (sorry!!!!)

We gave up on the first cabinet so we tried opening the second and bigger one –but the problem is we don’t know how to use this kind of lock :

HOW DO YOU USE THIS? UGH! haha

HOW DO YOU USE THIS? UGH! haha

Our time is running out, our game maker advised us that we really cannot open that second lock if we haven’t opened the first one (hello? oo nga naman!)

He finally gave us the clue and then even helped us open the second lock. He also asked for back up because he himself cannot open it. haha.

And that freakin’ second cabinet was opened. We are so ready to meet that little scary child but we just stood there waiting for her to come out. We are so scared and at the same time we’re laughing so hard — our imagination has no limit. I remember I was just standing and holding one of Rebecca’s furniture for back up –in case that child will come to me… I swear I’m gonna punch her (loljk).

Then, Kuya game maker said we can enter inside… We looked at him and said Dyaaaan??!!!  What’s inside that hole? Why do we need to crawl? hindi pa ba siya lalabas?

We are so afraid to get inside because of our imaginations? What if the little girl is already there waiting for us?

Sir Vic suddenly blurted out “sige na pumasok na kayo??…” “TAKOT AKO SA BATA!!!”  *SIR! apat anak mo? pano ka naging takot sa bata?* Then, Airiz was the first one to enter the eskinita and said.. claustrophobic ako. *girl, kelan pa?*

We are laughing out loud until the time is up (60 mins to solve the mystery.) So sad we haven’t seen the little kid (lol), but we’re willing to come back –to finish and finally solve the mystery.

We were really wondering on how do we look on the CCTV footages… ’cause for us we really look like we’re in a horror-comedy movie.

This is one of my unforgettable experiences.

of course, we'll not leave w/o Airiz' doodles on their wall. :)

of course, we’ll not leave w/o Airiz’ doodles. 🙂

'Cause we ALMOST! Almost solved the mystery. but almost is never enough

‘Cause we ALMOST! Almost solved the mystery. but almost is never enough

My great team mates! me, airiz, jo, and Sir Vic.

My great team mates! me, airiz, jo, and Sir Vic. We almost got it! 60% na raw kami so push namin ang paghawak sa mystery solved! :p

24/10/2014

Funny Story

That funny story when you published your first post in a new blog, feel proud about it… and then be back for my second post – almost after a month.

I may try to stay optimistic about everything, but I still have too many personal demons that I am trying to fight everyday. I hope I can let this go as time goes by.

So for now.. I’ll be here..